You've Had Too Much
- You ski uphill.
- You get a speeding ticket even when
- You speed walk in your sleep.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez has named his donkey after
- You have a bumper sticker that reads:
Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.
- You haven't blinked since the last
- You grind your coffee beans in your
- You just completed another sweater
and you don't know how to knit.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- The only time you're standing still
is during an earthquake.
- You can take a picture of yourself
from ten feet away without using the timer.
- You lick your coffee pot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at
the local coffee house and you don't even work there.
- You've worn out your third pair of
tennis shoes this week.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator
to take your pulse.
- All your kids are named "Joe"
- Your only source of nutrition comes
from "Sweet & Low"
- You buy Half & Half by the barrel.
- You're so jittery that people use your
hands to blend their margaritas.
- You can type sixty words per minute
with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without
- You go to AA meetings just for the
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before
- You don't need a hammer to pound in
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill
before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You've built a miniature city out of
little plastic stirrers.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- When you find a penny, you say, "Find
a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to
- Your taste buds are so numb you could
drink your lava lamp.
- You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
- People can test their batteries in
- Your life's goal is to amount to a
hill of beans.
- You channel surf faster without a remote.
- When someone asks, "How are you",
you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you
can spend eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday
- You'd be willing to spend time in a
- You go to sleep just so you can wake
up and smell the coffee.
- You're offended when people use the
word "brew" to mean beer.
- You named your cats "Cream"
- Your lips are permanently stuck in
the sipping position.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug
on your coffee mug.
- You think being called a "drip"
is a compliment.
- Your 3 favorite things in life are:
coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
- You can't even remember your second
- You speak perfect Arabic without ever
taking a lesson.
- Your Thermos is on wheels.
- You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
- You introduce your spouse as your "Coffee
- Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints
of coffee with an I-V hookup.
- You've worn out the handle on your
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You have a conniption over spilled
- Your nervous twitch registers on the
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You don't get mad, you get steamed.
- Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds
- You think CPR stands for "Coffee