On Familiarity

“Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” —1 Peter 4:8

Most people have heard the expression, “Familiarity breeds contempt.”  It originated with Aesop in “The Fox and the Lion.”  It basically means that the more familiar we become with something (or someone), we tend to get annoyed with it or we even start resenting it.

However, is it really true? Does being more familiar with something or someone make us resentful?  I’m sure it sometimes happens, but it doesn’t have to!

The premise behind the statement is as you get closer to someone, you begin to see their flaws and their shortcomings and therefore lose respect for them. While this may be true, it shouldn’t necessarily lead to “contempt.”  After all, the Bible says, “love covereth all sins” (Prov. 10:12). Love tends to overlook a person’s flaws and shortcomings. As Paul wrote, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind… is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” (1 Cor. 13:4-5).

The truth is, familiarity can breed appreciation.  I’m much more familiar with my wife today than when we first met over 60 years ago.  I am more familiar with her than any other person on earth, and I have nothing but love for her.  So, in this case, familiarity does NOT breed contempt. Instead familiarity paves the way for greater appreciation, intimacy, and love.  As Paul exhorted the Thessalonians to become familiar with those who labor for the Lord and “esteem them very highly in love” (1 Thess. 5:12-13). The same can be said about being familiar with church, family, or true friends.

We must take steps to prevent any feeling of contempt from springing up in our relationships.  First, beware of having unreasonable expectations in people. Everything on earth is flawed (expect the Bible).  Realize nothing is as good as it first may appear (actually, it is often better!).  It is not familiarity that breeds contempt, but our own unrealized expectations of personal happiness that breeds contempt. The truth is, when you show contempt, it says more about your lack of charity than it does about what you have contempt for.

Phillip Brooks put it this way, “Familiarity breeds contempt, only with contemptible things or among contemptible people.”